Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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