WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
