You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
