remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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