I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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