Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
