In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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