Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
