i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
