it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
