just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
