alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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