a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
