can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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