I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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