a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
