Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize