considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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