And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
