there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
