She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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