just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
