I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
