he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
