She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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