"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
