If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
