You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
