i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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