Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
