What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize