Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
