I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
wow bdsm is so cute
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