my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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