I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just had sex bonerless
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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