Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
