"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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