I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
