I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
