He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize