My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
