when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
