I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
