About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
