So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
