why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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