Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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