so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
