I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
