i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
