i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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