no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
