hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
