College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
