We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
