By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
