i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
