I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
