'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
