For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize