Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
