Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i will never coherently bang her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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