Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
