i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
