Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
