eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
