Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
